Acts 20:1-6
After the uproar ceased, Paul sent for the disciples, and after encouraging them, he said farewell and departed for Macedonia. When he had gone through those regions and had given them much encouragement, he came to Greece.There he spent three months, and when a plot was made against him by the Jews as he was about to set sail for Syria, he decided to return through Macedonia. Sopater the Berean, son of Pyrrhus, accompanied him; and of the Thessalonians, Aristarchus and Secundus; and Gaius of Derbe, and Timothy; and the Asians, Tychicus and Trophimus. These went on ahead and were waiting for us at Troas, but we sailed away from Philippi after the days of Unleavened Bread, and in five days we came to them at Troas, where we stayed for seven days.
For years in my wilderness of drugs and homelessness, I yearned for someplace to call home. It haunted me. This scripture reminds me that I am the home I was searching for as long as I am walking The Way to God. People, places, and things come and go in our lives but home is that place inside where we connect to God. It feels empty and many times we try to fill that space with physical and material things of this world. But until we reach out for God and accept Him into our lives, understanding what He has done for us, nothing will fill that emptiness.
I used alcohol, drugs, sex, and everything between, drowning myself in a petri dish of sin that never satisfied or filled what was missing in my life. On February 11 in 2022, just 8 days after my 48th birthday, I sat on a cold creekbank north of Vicksburg, MS and lifted my face to the heavens, crying out in desperation for God. That is the moment that changed my life because God showed up and begin to fix my broken. Over a year later, I wake every day, satisfied with my life. I live at a friend's house, still in Vicksburg, no transportation of my own, wearing second hand clothes just like before but I am filled with peace like I have never known before and wealthier than any billionaire with many homes and cars. It is because I know Jesus as my savior and have a relationship with God through the Holy Spirit.
Part of me longs still for a place of my own but I am not haunted by it because I know that God will provide whatever and whoever I need in life. Just as Paul travelled and preached, his purpose became his home, the constant in his life, so has mine. That desire (to do what God has for me to do and to live as He wants me to live) is a stronger yearning than any house, vehicle, or wardrobe to be had. I pray without ceasing, in an unbreakable relationship with God, my Father, and that is what fills that space in my spirit that was empty for so long, creating dark depression that daily drew me closer and closer to suicide and unbearable loneliness that led me to cling to people who were abusive and cruel.
Once I surrendered to God and what He had to offer me instead of the lies of the enemy, all of that went away. No suicidal thoughts, no fear that makes me flee, no anxiety, no relationships that are abusive, no self loathing, no drugs and no alcohol guised as ways to "get away" from life. I am thankful today for that freedom from the chains that bound me in my old life and extremely grateful for the empowerment I now feel in my new life.
Comments